I’ve decided to continue the trend of baby talk, but with a twist. I’m just about to “give birth” to my own kicking, screaming, possibly overweight baby–a book. With the deadline looming (August 15th), and a month of pure bliss in the form of a writer’s residency in Italy, you’d think that I’d be in a state of real joy and a sense of release. It’s almost done! It’s almost perfect! It’s…wait…oh, yeah, that’s not how it feels at all.
In my limited experience, every time I finish a book, I feel totally unclear about how good said book actually is. Once you live with something for that long, nit pick it and obsess over it, fact check it and get it critiqued, revise it and revise it, it’s hard to have any real perspective on it. I know I chose great people to profile. I know that I have written things before that people liked. I know that there are nearly 200 pages of words in a Word document. And I know I’ll just have to wait and get some distance from it before I have any sense of whether I actually like it.
In this regard, I imagine, real babies are much different. Even if that sucker is all wrinkled and purple and covered in stuff, crying and squirming, having just caused you the most intense pain of your life, you can’t help but think it’s the most perfect creation.
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Congratulations!!!!
While I hope that you celebrate, celebrate, celebrate and find another month of bliss in some other luxurious destination, I know that feeling of uncertainty that you’re talking about. It must come from the fact that you can always rewrite and there will always be something that someone can say that you could do differently with some of those words.
And then one day, to mix metaphors, you have to say, “No, I’m letting this paint dry and I’m walking away.” Let’s hope it’s not that way with a baby– although, sadly, I’ve seen parents act like they can revise their creations.
Welcome back, new momma! Going with the birth analogy, you must be in that phase of birth where you feel completely disoriented and hopeless. Luckily, this phase passes. Congratulations on your great accomplishment, and good luck on finishing it and surrendering it to the world.
oh god they both seem so so scary.
it also seems only the truly brave can do either.
stay strong moll. it’s crowning.
Court, congratulations!
I loved, loved, loved PGSD- so intelligent, thoughtful, and well-written. I have the utmost confidence in your abilities as a writer, and I want you to know that I will always be a reader of your work. You have no reason to doubt yourself, Courtney!
Thanks everyone for the welcome home and positive encouragement. It’s not that I’m doubting the book; it’s just that I’m accepting that right now it is a big unknown. I’ve learned this about my process, and find it really interesting. There’s a big relief in being nearly done, but the moment when I actually know how I feel about the work comes much later. In any case, thanks for your thoughts.